Is amnesia really too much to ask?
by StarvelingTheTailor
Summary: ANGST,SONGFIC RoyEd fic...Ed is torn apart by the death of his brother. That, on top of everything else, pushes him over the edge. R&R please!song: How to save a life by the Fray


_**Step one you say we need to talk  
He walks you say**_

"**_Sit down it's just a talk_"** Edward looked apprehensive, but lifted his hand from the doorknob and returned to the big green couch in the center of Roy Mustang's office.  
_**He smiles politely back at you  
You stare politely right on through  
Some sort of window to your right  
As he goes left and you stay right** _

"_This isn't healthy, Edward."_

"_What the hell do you know?! Will you all just stop telling me what to fucking do?!"_

"_Ed...you don't have to do this…" But he was already on his way out the door.  
**Between the lines of fear and blame  
And you begin to wonder why you came**_

'_If he really can't be happy…than why can't I let him go? I'm just too damn selfish….but he knows that I wont let go of him…he knows that I cant live without him…' Roy ran a hand over his tired face, trying to keep the tears from running down his already sweat-dampened cheeks.  
_

**_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night   
Had I known how to save a life  
_**

_Ed rushed out into the humid midsummer evening. It was early…5:30, maybe. The light of day was still clinging to the darkening sky, as if it was begging to stay…just a moment longer… He started across the large central court yard at a brisk pace. He couldn't stand days like this...not since his brother had died. His brother that had loved to sit on the balcony of their apartment and watch the stars…until he had been quarantined on that goddamned hospital…until he had died of an unknown disease, in an unfamiliar place, surrounded by unfriendly people…**  
**_

**_Let him know that you know best  
'Cause after all you do know best   
Try to slip past his defense  
Without granting innocence_**

_Riza Hawkeye gave Roy a stern look "You're the only one who can get through to him. You know that. He only listens to you"_

"_No. he won't listen…determined to…to hurt himself…" Roy stepped out into the courtyard, catching a glimpse of red as Edward flew around the corner onto the street. He followed, not really sure why. "Ed!" Roy called after him._

"_What?" Ed turned around, tears in his eyes._

"_Let's-let's just go home…please." **  
Lay down a list of what is wrong   
The things you've told him all along  
And pray to God he hears you  
And pray to God he hears you**_

_Edward sat on the edge of his bed, in just his boxers. Roy was asleep on the other side of the king sized bed, facing away from him. Ed stood, slightly shifting the navy blue comforter from ifs precarious position around Roy's shoulders. He could never sleep on nights like this…even when his brother was alive…when he still had hope that he could be of some assistance…_

_Ed walked slowly to the bathroom and turned on the light. The brightness of the white tile floor and shower, the porcelain of the sink and toilet, and the dull, almost colorless color of the ceiling, were all blinding. He closed his eyes and sank down to the cool floor. The tears started to roll down his cheeks and he curled himself into a trembling heap; a splash of gold on a pure white backdrop. ****_

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness   
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice  
You lower yours and grant him one last choice

"_How could any of you possibly understand?! How can you say that you all know what I'm going through? What I'm feeling? I don't even know if I can feel _anything_ anymore!" Edward was screaming once again…he just wanted people to leave him alone..._

"_That's no excuse!" Lt. Feury could keep silent no longer, "That's no excuse for blaming it all on yourself and never asking for help-"_

"_Shut up!"_

"_Ed…"Roy cut in gently, "I know that you blame yourself for what happened to Al…for failing to give him the life he deserved…but you have to let us help you…I-I can't lose you. I won't."_

"_What difference does it make? I can't do a damned thing…even with all I've learned, after I promised him…" Ed's voice cracked, "there was something wrong with the alchemy… his immune system was defective…and it was my fault. It was _my_ fault that most of his days in the body that he always deserved were spent cooped up in a goddamned hospital room." _

_**  
Drive until you lose the road  
Or break with the ones you've followed   
He will do one of two things  
He will admit to everything  
Or he'll say he's just not the same  
And you'll begin to wonder why you came **_

"_Edward…please. Don't…" Roy pleaded with a very tired looking Edward who was sitting on the edge of the spotless white bathtub. "You don't need to do this…"_

"_Roy just…just be quiet, ok?" Edward sighed and tied off the old bandana around his left arm, cutting off the bloodflow. _

_Roy, kneeling in front of him, began to cry._

_Edward injected the yellowish liquid with a hardened look on his face. Before he lost control, he reached for another syringe, then another. ****_

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life

_Edward collapsed and fell into the bathtub. He could hear the cries of the man that he loved, but he couldn't remember. He couldn't think. So he lied there and let the memories slip away…_

**_  
How to save a life_**

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend   
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life 

_**  
**Edward Elric died of drug overdose. The medics tried for hours to revive him, but to no avail. He lay on the cold bathroom floor, half covered in a white sheet, hair tangled, lips chapped, eyes blank. His roommate had asked to see him. The medics all cleared out, shaking their heads and commenting scornfully on the carelessness of youth today. _

_Roy walked slowly into the small room, trembling. He knelt down next to his young boyfriend. "Edward…" His voice was quiet and breathy as he spoke to the blonde one last time._

_**  
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness **_

**_And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life _**

_**  
**"Did…did it really make you forget?" He picked up one of the needles that the medics had neglected to remove from the bathroom floor. "You got to forget…you got to forget everything…and now the rest of us have to live without you, Edward." He barely even felt the needle pierce his skin. It was quite easy, actually, a relatively painless way out. "I've always told you that I'd protect you from anything, everything. I'm sorry I lied to you, Ed. I'm so sorry…" after the fourth injection, Roy collapsed face down next to his only love, now gone. He struggled to put his arm around Ed's neck and pull himself just close enough to kiss him lightly on the cheek. Weakening, he managed to whisper "I'm sorry, Edward…I'm so sorry…."' _

_**How to save a life**_


End file.
